


Five brief lessons in feelings

by stellas



Series: I wanna get lost with you [1]
Category: Sam and Colby, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-10
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2020-12-07 12:48:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20976158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stellas/pseuds/stellas
Summary: Five times they fell in love.





	1. 1

“What do you enjoy listening to the most?” he asked while keeping his eyes on the road ahead. She looked at him in surprise and when she didn’t respond he continued, “Like, of all the playlists you have in your library, which one is your favourite?”. She closed her eyes and began scrolling through them mentally. 

“Actually,” she said after a little while, “I don’t know. It depends on what I want to feel. I use them to set different modes for myself. When I was a teenager I always listened to the songs of my favourite series to remember the feeling from the show. I remember the music of One Tree Hill so well because it was the first time I realised that music could be used to enhance a certain feeling. Did you ever watch that?”

“No, but I don’t really watch drama shows in general.”

“Oh yeah,” she recalled. “I don’t know how enjoyable it would be to watch it back today either. I feel like I related so much to the characters back then, all the teenage problems. These last years I’ve been much more into game soundtracks, I think that’s because I relate to them much more. Like the amount of hours I’ve played as a certain character grows into myself and the music can help me get there. Sometimes I put on the Bioshock soundtracks because I’d like to imagine the world is in total disarray and all that is left for me are these old songs. I’d listen to them as I walk through the ruins.” She looked at him and found him with a small smirk on his face. “What?”

“I just think it’s funny that you like to imagine yourself in a world that’s apocalyptical while listening to music. Why not try to imagine yourself someplace nice and warm, like the beach?”

“I find comfort in it!” she laughed. “So that I’m prepared for it were it ever to happen. Isn’t that part of the reason to why you like exploring?” Colby made a humming noise and slowly answered, “No, well, yes, or… Okay. Maybe a little bit. I like exploring the old and abandoned to see what once was. So when I go home to the skyscrapers and see all the places that we now use, I know to cherish it. It could be left and abandoned any day.”

They both fell silent. She glanced over at him and observed as he continued driving. It was something about that, the way he drove, that calmed her. She enjoyed driving too and had offered to drive, but he’d been happy to. It did feel good to be able to rest in the passenger seat, knowing that he’d take care of the progress of their journey. His arms too looked really good from this angle, as they gripped the steering wheel lazily. She’d feel so safe if he held her with his strong arms. 'Where the hell had that come from?' 

“A penny for your thoughts?” His voice broke her daydreaming and she found him looking at her. 

“Oh, I just - I just thought of the playlists,” she lied. “I have one that’s filled with slow songs. I’ve named it a big cup of music because they make me as warm as if I’d had a cup of tea or coffee.” 

“And that’s the one you enjoy the most?”

“Yeah. I think so. It’s not the one I listen to most often, but when I do I’m always happy,” she answered slightly blushed. “What’s yours?” she asked in an attempt to change the focus from herself. Sometimes it felt as if Colby’s questions were more intimate than anything else in the world. Like he wanted to know things about her that she never shared with anyone. It wasn’t necessarily the questions that he asked, it just felt like he stored her answered in a place where they mattered. 

“I have one chilled too, I think that’s the one. I like being calm and content.” 

“I think most people do,” she said. 

As he kept his eyes on the road, he answered, “I don’t care about most people and why they like what they do. I want to know what makes you feel good.”


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some exploring.

She spun around trying to find the source of the sudden sound. Colby was way ahead of her in the hall and hadn’t made any recognition of hearing it. Behind her the factory walls stretched up high and she crooked her neck to look at the ceiling. The structure of bricks were mostly still intact despite the fact that this place had been left to waste more than fifty years ago. This side had been the main entrance of the factory and there were more than a dozen windows decorating the wall. The windows on the other hand had had a hard time enduring the wild seasons of nature. Many were broken and shattered, and a few were completely decayed. They’d tripped gently over the broken pieces of glass on their way in but most of the shards were being enveloped into the dirty ground that enclosed the floors. The sound of their shoes against the fragile glass had set every ASMR fan into a eargasm. 

As her eyes reached the top window, that was placed all alone in the middle of the wall in the highest place, another shard fell to the floor. Seeing the source of the sound calmed her. She had been feeling a little uneasy during this trip, despite the fact that this place was located so far from the city that hardly anyone checked up on it. Therefore the chances of getting caught were minimal. The feeling was rather rooted in the health aspect. They had driven through the abandoned society on their way here. As the factory was put down, along with every job in the town, everyone had been forced to move on. Alongside the sadness of that situation, she couldn’t help but count the minutes it would take for an ambulance to come all the way here if something were to happen. 

“Are you counting the windows?” Colby asked from further ahead. 

“I’m taking a mental image,” she replied as she turned around to face him. He stood in the place where the top windows light landed on the floor. He looked almost angelic in the illuminating light with the contrast of the dark hall surrounding. “Can I snap a real one of you right there?” she asked as she was already pulling her phone out of her pocket. 

The dust particles glimmered in the sunlight and created a form of natural filter for the pic. She suddenly thought of all the painters throughout the history who would had loved to paint this scene. She would’ve loved to paint it if she knew how to. 

They continued slowly progressing through the factory’s main room. The echo of their shoes climbed all the way up the walls creating a hallowed soundtrack to their exploring. All the machines and tools had been sold in the process of shutting down, but all the structures between the machines were left. It left a good hint of how the place had looked when it was alive. In the left corner of the main hall, another sight opened up. Three big silos, towering through the roof, stood placed in the middle. The different floors all had a small staircase towards each and everyone of the silos, probably for maintenance purposes. 

“I think I’m going up to the top floor, just to see if you can see the containments of the silos,” she offered gently as she moved to the stairs. 

“Oh yeah, I’m coming too,” Colby answered as he followed her close behind. The stairs were mostly intact apart from a few steps being broken. Luckily enough it was easy to skip them and tread lightly on the following step. This part of the building had four floors who all consisted of small offices, each with a small window overlooking the nature outside. She tried to imagine the noise that had filled this place. All the workers talking, the machines churning, the tools clinkering. She must have stopped moving while in her thoughts, as Colby walked into her from behind. 

“Shit, sorry, I didn’t realise you stopped,” he says as she grabbed the wall in front of her. She felt his hands on the side of her body, trying to steady himself. It felt nice, safe. 

“No worries, I’m sorry I just stilled. I was thinking about how this place must’ve sounded like,” she answered as they stepped aside. He looked around and seemed to be contemplating the different possibilities. “Like I’m guessing the machines must have produced a certain rhythm from their never ending churning.”

“I don’t know how but I’m imagine that the malt coming through the silos would leave a pretty scary sound, don’t you think? These things are big enough to contain tonnes of the stuff, I hardly believe that it would’ve fallen gently when the bottom opened.” He was right. Although malt is a very light material in singular, the sound of tonnes of it must’ve been enough to drown everything else. 

“Yeah, I bet,” she said as she started moving onward. 

Without falling to their deaths they reached the top floor. From the windows here one could see several houses through the tiny forest that separated the facility area from the town. She tried the endurance of the first silos staircase, and as the metal made a cracking noise she backed up. 

“Please be careful,” she heard from behind her. 

“I’m trying to! Let me check the next one,” she said as she continued her mission. The second one was much sturdier and she could walk to the platform of the silo without any problem. “Can I have a flashlight, please?” 

Colby started digging through the backpack and threw her one. As she gazed down the hatch she heard him coming towards her. The platform was quite small, so she tried to position herself so that he could come up beside her. The light of her flashlight carried only so long down the enormous silo and died long before the bottom. 

“Do you think there’s something still in here?” Colby asked. 

“Not really no, I don’t see why they would’ve left it to be wasted. They did a pretty good job at cleaning out all things with value,” she looked at him and gestured to the rest of the room. He turned to look where her hand showed and then looked at her directly. She looked into his eyes and couldn’t help but think about that line he once said, about how one would need a map to get out of them. In that very moment it seemed very much true. “I- I’m …,” she trailed off. 

“Yeah, you’re probably right.”

Neither of them moved, still standing very close facing each other. Her heart was beating soundly in her chest. She tried faintly to listen after his heartbeat too and wondered if this was a new sound the factory could add to it’s history.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what happens when I daydream while watching one of their videos.


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homey vibes.

She was lying on her couch while scrolling through her social media. For the fifth time. Nothing new popped up. Once again, she glanced at the clock only to find that just five minutes had passed since her last check. She knew that she didn’t have to be nervous, Colby came over to hang out all the time. But no matter how many times she tried to calm herself, she could feel her heartbeat all the way to her fingertips. 

She had always considered herself a confident person. She’d often found that people were willing to comply and agree if one spoke their opinion first. Therefore she mostly told people what she wanted. But something was different with Colby. It was something about his gaze. Sometimes when she looked into his eyes, it felt like she was staring directly into a lighthouse trying to guide her home. Like she was a ship out on dangerous waters, just trying to get to the shore safe. It was like all of the blood in her veins wanted to race through her body and at the same time pool in her cheeks, and in her chest, and between her legs. 

He’ll be here in any minute now. It was fine. She’d learn to handle this. She put her phone down and glanced through the room. Her eyes landed on the whiskey she’d bought the day before. However tempting it would be to just take a glass, just to calm her nerves, she managed to quiet the feeling down. 

She remember their recent conversation, about music and how it could affect a person’s mood. Moments later, her calming playlist was flowing through the speakers of her living room. Now if only she could steady her heartbeat to the beat of the music. A knock at her door disrupted her thoughts. 

“Hi,” she offered as she opened the door. Colby looked pretty as ever while barging through her hallway. She followed him slowly, trying her hardest to listen to the story he was telling. Something someone said, when someone else did something, that meant that someone else entirely had become involved. She stopped for a second and thought about how good he fit into her home. He had sat himself, or rather laid himself down, on her couch in the most comfortable way possible and at the same time managed to throw at least three pieces of clothing in three different directions. 

“Can you believe that?!” he said while making a large hand gesture that she probably would have understood if she’d followed the whole story. “Wait, were you not listening to me?”

“I- I’m…,” she started. 'Grow some balls honey.' “No, I’m sorry. I was thinking about how good you look in my couch.” Had she taken that whiskey without realising herself?

“I look good in your couch?”

“Well, you look good in just about everything, but I like you right here. In my couch.” As the blush grew on the boys cheeks, she felt her confidence bloom once again. “What were you saying, who did what to whom?” 

Colby looked at her as if she had shown him a magic trick and made his pants disappear. Then, in a millisecond of a flash, his gaze changed. He was now looking at her with that intense stare that made her feel all giddy inside. 

“I like your couch,” he said wryly. As her confidence betrayed her and her pulse could surely be heard from miles away, she turned to numbing of the feelings.

“You want anything? I bought a new whiskey yesterday!” 

“Yeah, sure.” She hoped that he wouldn’t notice her shaking as she poured two glasses. She handed Colby one, and sat herself on the opposite side of the couch. Thankfully the whiskey was good. Soon enough their conversations flowed just as normally as they always would. It wasn’t until she’d finished her glass that she noticed how close they were sitting. There was plenty of space on either side of the couch, and they sat almost shoulder to shoulder. 

“Do- Do you want another one?” she looked at him. His eyes were slightly glossy, but he still focused his entire gaze on her. 

“Yes, please,” he complied. 'Good boy. What in God's name is happening in here?' 

As she got back in the couch, she sat herself a noticeable length from Colby and tried her hardest to focus on whether he moved closer. 

“So I’d thought it’d be a good idea to put the sticker at the top, because it’d only be seen by the people daring to go up, you know?” Colby explained. She nodded as she took another sip. The warm feeling spread through her body as she swallowed. In the midst of enjoying the drink, she’d closed her eyes. The music really did help. Everything felt as if it flowed slower. When she opened her eyes, Colby was sitting right next to her. 

“Hi,” he said as he looked into her eyes. 

“Hiya love,” she answered and couldn’t help herself but to look at his lips. He was really pretty. All felt warm and nice. 

“I really like your couch.”

“I really like you in my couch.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like, I have such a comfortable couch and sometimes I just want him here. In it.


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drunken thoughts cause slippery slopes.

She wasn’t supposed to go out drinking tonight. Not like she had work tomorrow, she had just not expected to go out. But the feeling of being alone in her apartment had scared her far more than whatever she’d planned to encounter tonight. As she stood in the corner of the club, able to hear absolutely nothing but the blasting music coming through the speakers - she began to wonder if she’d made a mistake. 

The scene reminded her of that one episode of Black Mirror, the one called San Junipero. People had been doing this exact thing for decades now. Standing in a tight square, while crammed with other people, trying to move in rhythm with the current pop music. Right here in this moment though, she hadn’t had nearly enough to drink to throw herself into the tight space of the dance floor. 

As she made her way towards the bar, she passed several known faces. All of them waved and smiled in the overly friendly way one does when intoxicated. She couldn’t wait to join them. The female bartender was nice enough to notice her almost immediately and served her the rum and coke she’d ordered. While looking at the club from this angle, everything felt better. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe the lightning of this place. But everything felt warmer. Almost like Colby. 'No, not today. Please let me have one night without these thoughts.' 

Far too soon, the drink was out. The music still sounded horrible and she still didn’t want to dance. So she made her way towards the door, as the only thing that felt even slightly tempting was the horrid emptiness of her own home. 

The way home happened as if she was looking at it through a stream of scenes, like an out of body experience, but as she put her keys into her door she decided not to worry too much about it. 

One thing that she had forgotten about, was the fact that the loneliness of the apartment included an alarming silence. Before falling down the emptiness and go crazy, she put on Colby’s public playlist and jumped into the shower. The sound from both the music and the water calmed her. She couldn’t help that the calmness let her feel everything else her body wanted to feel. Like the way she imagined him in the shower with her. His arms wrapped around her, his body free to roam. She moaned loudly in her bathroom, not even sparing a thought of condolence to her neighbours. She let herself fall deeper into her fantasy, almost feeling the way Colby let his hands stroke up her body to her throat. 

Realising that the thought alone could only give her so much pleasure, she grabbed the shower head. ‘I’m crossing the line now’, she thought to absolutely no one. The stream of water hit her clit in such a soft way, that she couldn’t help the moan that escaped her lips. “Colby! Oh, Colby, keep going,” she continued as she positioned the shower head more directly. 'Am I really going to let myself come to the thought of him?' Before she could she could decide or argue with herself, she heard the familiar tone of her phone. Someone was calling. At this hour! 

She jumped out of the shower and grabbed the phone, not even bothering to look at the caller ID before answering. “Hello?”

“Hi,” Colby slowly said. “What’re you doing?”

“Nothing but sins,” she replied breathlessly. 

“Is this a bad time?” 

“Nah, I’m just in the shower. Let me rinse my hair and I’ll call you back, okay?”


	5. 5

The air of the room was heavy. She stepped in, knowing well enough what she’d gotten herself in to. 

“You came to the thought of me?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry,” she solemnly offered. 

“Don’t,” he spoke. She managed to take several breaths in the pause that lead up to his next response, “I want to know what you thought about.”

“What- I’m not- I’m not going to tell you that!”

“I deserve to know!” He exclaimed while he kept looking at her. “If you could bring yourself to come to the thought of me - I deserve to know what I did to make you feel good.” 

She tried to think of ways she could wriggle herself out of this. She really did. But she couldn’t remember why she would withhold it. So, she took a deep breath and explained all the things he did to her in her fantasy. Hearing his voice over the phone before she got back into the shower had been enough for her drunken want to drown every coherent thought. She’d imagined his naked body in the warm water, pretended that the sensation of the shower stream on her cunt had been his hands. His mouth leaving small kisses from her breast down to her thighs. His low and sly voice as he told her everything he wanted to do to her. She’d moaned Colby’s name repeatedly as her hips twitched and strained against the relentless water when she came.

“You… you want me to do that to you?”

“What- No! I imagined you wanting to do that to me. And in my imagination you did - and I felt good about it, God, Colby, I felt so good.” The amount of blush on the boys cheeks had really no comparable thing in the world. “But I fully realise that this is a fantasy, and I’m so sorry that you had to find out this way.” 

She was already plotting her neighbours murder when Colby answered, “I don’t care that Sam heard you. I don’t really care that he told me either. I just figured that you’ve told me yourself if you’d been interested in me.” He tried to look innocent. 'He’s hiding something.'

“Why did you call me?” She saw that her response threw him off his high horse. 

“What?”

“Why did you call me at 2AM last night?” she pursued. “When I was in my shower, pleasuring myself to the thought of you, in the middle of the night… Why did you call me?”

“I- I thought of you,” he answered.

“Why?”

“I missed you. You hadn’t responded to my snap for almost six hours! I couldn’t help it. You come so naturally into my head, as if someone have planted a virus of you here.”

She looked at him, as he looked at her. His eyes were really pretty. This was nothing new. She just couldn’t help but laugh a little. “You think of me as a virus?” 

Colby began laughing too as he visibly tried to comply the words. “Yeah, but like a good virus. I like it.”

“I really like you,” she offered. 

“In your couch?”

“Yes, but also like, I really like you. Being here. With me,” she said. She had to say it, before all the courage drained from her body. 

“I like me being here too,” he replied. “I like thinking about the different ways I can make you feel good. Both like feeling-wise and good feeling-wise.”

“Good feeling-wise?” she posed.

“Yeah. Like, the way your body wants to feel good. I like that.” Her breath hitched as he moved closer.

**Author's Note:**

> So... I'm just really starved for some quality fiction about this boy.


End file.
